by Josh Seech. Photography by Sandi Elle.
I get asked all sorts of questions through wall posts/tweets/emails about life, love and pretty much everything in between. I always loved reading the “advice” columns in the paper—where an older woman would shares tips of how to remove household stains using toothpaste and saran-wrap. Then she’d tackle the best way to handle a dispute while in a broken marriage. While I was more likely to follow the advice given in Maxim and Cosmo, I understand that we all have things that we want a different perspective on. I am more than happy to give my two cents about pretty much anything and generally will, given the opportunity and appropriate forum to do so.
This week, I wanted to share with you some of the questions I receive from readers, just like you. They are randomly selected and will remain anonymous as protect the identity of those who asked.
*Note: The questions were edited for grammar and spelling purposes*
Q: “Hey Josh, I want my boyfriend to stop dressing like a dork. He’s 24, what do you recommend?”
A: Well, without knowing him this can be hard, what I can tell you are the basics of modern male fashion. First, get rid of long white socks. Most dudes will bunch them down and it just looks awful in most scenarios unless he is going for a run and even then that’s pushing it. Katt Williams once said “have that dude at the club lift up his pant leg, if he has white socks on… he ain’t pimpin”. Tapered, light blue jeans are out. Darker wash, boot-cut or straight legged jeans will instantly change his look and can be paired with almost any shoe. Speaking of, footwear will widely depend on his personality, but stay away from white athletic shoes with the laces yanked tight like a corset. You probably aren’t in any danger of losing your shoes as much as you are in danger of having your feet falling off from lack of circulation.
Q: “I want to go on a nice date, but am bored with the usual places to eat. Where do you take ladies when you go out?”
A: I get asked this a lot, and I would say it depends on the situation. First dates/ a date where the girl is awkward and quiet or a date where you just want to have a distraction? Kyoto’s on Lancaster. They serve Teppanyaki style cuisine. For those unfamiliar, that is where the chef comes out and performs a show while cooking your food… knife spinning, a volcano made of onions, the usual. I get the Shogun plate ($26) and it’s not only delicious but it’s also entertaining. Ask for Ziggy, he puts on one hell of a show. If you want a quieter place, a more romantic, get some action type of place; Coin toss between Bentley’s Grill downtown or Caruso’s in Keizer. I prefer Bentley’s due to the diversity in the menu and they have great drinks. I get the filet mignon ($40) and it is divine. Caruso’s has a stunning view when the sun is setting. Either way, thank me later.
Q: I see people putting the “#” symbol in front of words and I am confused as to why. Help?
A: Glad you asked. Now, the “pound key” as you are probably more familiar with it being called; Is known as the hashtag in the 2.0 generation. It started back in the IRC days (an older chat system, think AIM for nerds) and is used mostly in the Twitter-verse. It is a way to tag something in your post and can be tracked using the # symbol.
Example:
“Man, #weouthere is killing it in the magazine game”
You can then search for “#weouthere” and it will show you anyone else in the world that used that phrase in their post.
It’s also used to sometimes summarize an entire post. For example:
“I don’t know what color of credit card to order!! #firstworldproblems”
Best part of that example is it leads into my favorite function of the hashtagging system… To point out the obvious or the ironic. Use it like a sarcastic end to a sentence. I use it in everyday life and say the word hashtag as a preface to a backhanded comment. If that wasn’t enough, I will sometimes make a finger hashtag to accompany the aforementioned comment. Now go out and show the world you know what’s going on! #nextquestion
Q: What’s it like being color-blind?
A: It sucks. Kidding, it’s not that bad, it’s more complicated than anything. I have red-green color blindness. Basically, I’m more color impaired than anything else, I can see blues really, really well- other colors are iffy. I think it’s cool because it means I see things different than 92% of the world, and Mark Zuckerberg shares the same disorder, hence why Facebook is laid out in hues of blue. It makes me wonder if blue is my favorite color because I really like it or if it was due to lacking the ability to see the others. Thanks for asking!
Q: When a guy says: I am scared of you/I am just not ready to be in a relationship… right now/You’re too good for me, I am not good enough for you; What’s he really saying?
A: Ah the modern day man is a devious creature. Now, let us assume that he is really saying one thing and meaning something else – as there may be some guys who say things like that and mean it. Like me, ladies, if I say that, I totally mean that. :-)
Most of the time, guys are probably feeding you a bunch of B.S. Why? Probably due to laziness or the fact he doesn’t want to be honest and say what he really means “I want to fool around with you, but, I don’t want to have to talk to you unless it’s about us fooling around”. I don’t pretend to understand guys, I was raised by women and I feel like I have a solid understanding them as a result. My advice: A guy who REALLY likes you will probably not say things like the above. You can: play the game and get yours. Skip past the B.S. and wait til you find a guy who is willing to try. Or last but not least and the more common answer; You can sit and waste too much time on reading between the lines and getting upset when he doesn’t call the next morning. Keep your head up girl.
I am no expert on any one thing, the answers featured today were comprised of one part me trying to be entertaining and another part of how I really feel. As always, I am not out here trying to alienate or offend anyone. Thank you again for reading.
If you would like to ask me for any kind of advice or anything at all, email me at Joshua.seech@gmail.com or leave a comment on the form located down below.
Signing off,
Dr. Josh Seech
*note* I am not really a doctor. I just play one on TV*