by Josh Seech
Being a 26-year-old single male in Salem kind of sucks. The night life is a little limited in options, especially if you are a grumpy white guy who doesn’t dance. It is not just the venue that presents challenges. Sometimes it’s the other people you will be mingling with. I am 5’9, 243lbs and have a lot of tattoos, so pretty much every guy wearing Ed Hardy and has tribal tattoos thinks that it would be awesome if we get into a fight. As I am a pretty non-violent guy, this isn’t my idea of a good time. I go out for two things: have fun and find a nice whole-some lady who won’t embarrass me when I introduce her to my friends. A girl I can learn to knit with and agree that kids are something that neither of us want. Yeah, I know, why is this so difficult?
You can call me old fashioned, but I don’t want to meet my soul mate in a bar. I always thought that I would meet my wife in a grocery store. We’d have a giggle as we both reached for the same Braeburn apple, and a moment where we had a playful argument over who actually got to have the apple. With me saying something ridiculously charming and suggesting that we share the apple over a nice pinot gris. The sad reality is this doesn’t happen. So I have to be ready to accept that my lover is out drinking Goose and cran at the local pub.
I have been to bar after bar, played thousands of games of pool (although I am really bad at it), and “dougied” until my legs were tired. I have bought drinks, wore suits, and had various hairstyles and a fake tan for the majority of this spring. And here I sit; single. So, it made me think that maybe I’m too picky or I’m doing something wrong here. I decided to look at the foundation and work from there. My strengths: I am fashionable, funny and not completely gross to look at. My weakness: I am shy and awkward when approaching women I don’t know… actually, I am always awkward, but it grows on you. It is my Achilles heel of sorts, and something I am continually working on.
Albert Einstein once said “insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results”. So I went out last night with the mindset that I was going to break out of the box I have confined myself to. I did this for all of my male readers and possibly some of my female readers, so you can increase your chances of meeting Mr. or Mrs. Right.
Now fellas, before you can even think about going out and trying to find your future wife or husband, you have to pull yourself together. In very few social settings is it appropriate for wearing dirty, smelly clothes. Primarily camping/fishing/hunting/working on an engine or panhandling. Point being, put on a clean shirt before leaving the house. I mention this for a very specific reason; people are going to judge you based on what you present to them. If I want a woman to look at me and wonder why security let the transient through the door, by all means, I would bum it up. If I want that same woman to smell me and wonder “holy hell that smells delicious… I want to stand near him so I can continue to inhale that intoxicating fragrance” I will put on a 4 sprays of Acqua Di Gio. Note: I said 4 sprays, I have found that it is enough for people close to you to notice you smell awesome, yet subtle enough not to ruin everyone’s food, drink and night. While on topic, guys, I beg of you… throw away the Axe body sprays. It is NOT the same and honestly, it’s for kids.
So now we are looking decent and smelling good, teeth are brushed (yes, again) and we are ready to head out into the world. As I mentioned before, I was on a mission to quit being so shy and be more out-going. I had 2 different scenarios and 2 very different outcomes. My group wanted to go Magoo’s to get things started. I saw this girl right when I walked in and after a brief scan around the bar, I knew that she was my prospect. With my target identified, I made my game plan and was going to try the have a small conversation, and then play it aloof and act ultra-casual. I acted as if I wasn’t interested that she was there, made eye contact, held it long enough to make it seem like I had forgotten she was there and then continued getting destroyed at pool. The plan for the most part seemed like a great idea; after all, dudes in movies get away with it. She left and I stayed, so unless I get a random message on Facebook, I will consider it a failure.
Next stop: The Can-Can.
Much to my surprise, there are a lot of beautiful girls, all waiting to reject any busters who walked up to them. I play it cool, go up and give a well-connected high-five to The Kid Espi as he is getting the crowd going and performing “Oregon Homeboy”. With my credibility at an all-time high, I saunter over to the bar and order my very first gin and tonic. I immediately regret this decision and slam the drink as quickly as I can. With my taste buds on the verge of dying, but with super high credibility from the previous high-five and more courage in my veins, I am now in “the zone”. Guys know this to be the point where you feel invincible, women know this to be the point where guys think they are entirely too smooth for their own good. So there I am, “zoned” up, I decide to recruit a female to be my wingman. Why? They are 100% more efficient than any guy. I asked my wingwoman if she knew if these 3 girls were single, and instead of speculating, she walks up and starts complimenting them on their outfits and then gets the information. Once she discovers that 2 of the 3 were single, she starts talking about me, as I am totally not paying attention or trying to eavesdrop and STILL getting crushed at pool. I really am awful at it.
Moments pass, and I notice one of the three alone at the bar. This is it. I walk over and order a Sprite, only cause they didn’t have Sierra Mist, and made a joke about being the designated driver. Normally, I would have taken my drink and just rejoined my group and feel like less of man for not making a move. This time, I went for it. I opened up my conversation casually, did the normal name exchange and had 3 minute mini conversation about fun facts and colors. To most, this seems minuscule. To me, this was the first brick falling from a wall of self-doubt that I had created. Since this story has been full of over-explanations and details, I will summarize and say that I ended up exchanging info with the nice lady. No, I didn’t “score” but that was hardly the point or goal.
The bigger picture was me overcoming my set back when it comes to pursuing women. I know that I am not alone in this, and that there are tons of dudes out there sitting in their rooms reading this right and feeling inspired. Good. That is the first step. I accidently inspired myself, for this is actually not the original story I was going to write. My first one was about being single and focused on the negatives; whereas I see that was really the problem to begin with. So for all of my shy and bashful brethren, it is time to rise. It is time to go out and show the single woman of the Northwest what they have been missing. Salem and Portland-Metro girls beware, there is about to be a new set of dudes with confidence swaggin all over the place.
If you have an area of opportunity that you would like to help overcome, write us a comment or an email at Joshua.seech@gmail.com …. We have a great group of people who can help you get to the next level.
Just realizing I am going to be helping dudes take girls from me,
Joshua Seech.