It’s only Wednesday, but it’s been a long week. Heck it’s only the 7th, but it’s been a long month. WOHM readers, let me rant?
I hate dumb bitches, here’s why:
1. They play dumb
If a woman is dumb and can’t help it, God bless her soul; but if a smart woman plays dumb, she’s a dumb bitch. Long locks and low-cut shirts aside, there’s nothing sexy about a woman who can’t make up her mind…a woman who can hold her alcohol, but not a conversation…a woman who giggles after she says, “I don’t get it.” So furthermore, let’s no longer call females who do said things ‘women,’ let’s refer to them as ‘girls,’ or even better ‘dumb bitches.’
2. They frequently sleep around
Surprise—classy women don’t like dumb bitches who sleep around! But really, you shouldn’t either. Read more about dumb bitches who sleep around here: 10 THINGS: Sluts Do…
3. They encourage bad behavior from men
Dumb bitches let men walk all over them. Last weekend a guy invited me out. When I arrived at the bar, he didn’t offer me a drink; in fact, I ended up buying him, his buddy, and myself drinks. When we bar hopped, he didn’t pay or even offer to pay for the cab; I purchased it in full. At the end of the night after he ditched me for another woman, and when she wouldn’t go home with him, he called me asking where I had gone. I chewed him out the first time he called, then didn’t answer his four other calls or text messages. The next day, I asked a girl friend of mine what made him think he could treat a lady like that? She explained that some dumb bitch was okay with being treated that way, so now he thinks it’s okay to treat all women that way…
4. They get all the attention
Loud, blonde or at least long-haired, and big chested or at least wearing a pushup bra. Or maybe looks aren’t her thing, but: Rich parents, East Coast entitlement, and Only Child Syndrome. Or maybe neither, but: Put on a pedestal by her rapper boyfriend, is the prettiest of her ugly friends, and has a lot of clothes ‘cuz she’s good at shoplifting. Oh, or: Justifies her behavior because she’s a Christian, is still a virgin, and only wears J.Crew, GAP, etc. Whatever type of dumb bitch she is—slutty, snobby, badass, or goody two-shoes—she gets all the right attention for all the wrong reasons.
5. They lie
Dumb bitches lie! They lie to men, women, their parents, and even their so-called friends. They lie to get what they want, to make themselves look better, and to escape reality.
6. They hurt my feelings
When decent guys leave me for dumb bitches, it hurts my feelings. When dumb bitches lie to my face or talk about me behind my back, it hurts my feelings. Remember… Some dumb bitches are literally just dumb, God bless their souls; but many dumb bitches are selfish and cold-hearted, God bless their souls too ‘cuz karma is gonna be an even bigger bitch than they are.
7. You can’t let them drive
Consider that the bulk of my rant. On a lighter note, you can’t let dumb bitches drive you anywhere! I have no problem admitting: As if normal female drivers aren’t bad enough, dumb bitches take it to an entirely new level. Dumb bitches quadruple-task behind the wheel: Talking via speakerphone with their iPhone in their lap, while juggling lip gloss in one hand and applying deodorant with the other, while trying to remember where exactly they’re going. I don’t think most women can do this successfully in their bedroom; what makes them think they can do it while driving?!!
8. They’re annoying
Dumb bitches talk too much. Am I right?
9. You can’t enjoy relaxing activities with them
Number 7 combined with Number 8 makes me realize that as a matter of fact, there are a lot of things you can’t do with dumb bitches. You can’t take them out to a fancy dinner to talk about fancy things—they want to Instagram their food. You cant take them to the spa—they want to gossip, loudly. You can’t take them camping—they’ll just bitch and moan. You can’t take them to sports events—you’ll have to leave at the beginning of the third quarter. You can’t take them home to your mama—you’ll have to apologize both in advance and after their meeting. Smh.
10. They make the rest of us work harder than we should have to
I’m an Oregonian living in San Francisco. Bravo TV just came out with one helluva reality TV show called “Start-ups: Silicon Valley.” It’s a disgrace, full of dumb bitches. It’s hardly a show about start-up entrepreneurs and more about a dumb rivalry between two bitches. In the opening credits it shows one of the cast members, lifecaster Sarah Austin, in her black lace panties and flowered B-cup pushup. Throughout the show the cast members whine, play dumb to cover up lies, and gossip about their sex lives. This show is going to unnecessarily force women in the Silicon Valley, myself included, to re-build our reputation as strong, educated females who have beauty and brains.
If the show totally ruins the reputation of women in the Silicon Valley, I’ll move back to Portland, Ore., where dumb bitches still exist, but at least they aren’t televised.