Barefoot Bubbly Pink MoscatoThe day after Valentine’s is a big day. Thousands of girls around the nation are eager to celebrate Side Chick Appreciation Day. After all the hearts, roses, chocolate and good sex are passed out to girlfriends and wives, fellas call up their side pieces and apologize for working  overtime on Valentine’s Day……again.

Unqualified for the position of wifey, girlfriend, wife or baby mama, side chicks don’t get the benefit of celebrating Valentine’s Day. It’s just not covered in their package.

And since side chicks generally are difficult to deal with (although not as difficult as your main chick) I thought I’d give you a few tips to help you celebrate your 2nd favorite girl on that not-so-special day.

It’s the thought that counts.

In order to hide their gold-digging ways, most women will tell a man they don’t care how much he spends on a gift as long as he put some thought into it. It’s all lies. Women stay lying. However, when it comes to side chicks, it really doesn’t matter. They honestly don’t care how much you spend on them or if you spend anything on them at all. They’ve already settled for being a side chick, they’ll definitely settle for a homemade card and a bottle of $7.00 sparkling pink moscato.

Don’t sweat. Putting too much time and energy into a side chick can be hazardous to your health.

Keep it on the hush.

If you have a side chick, chances are you already know this one. You keep things low key anyway, but please be extra careful.  Tell her you want to have an intimate uninterrupted night with her. Turn cell phones off and get comfortable at her crib. This way there will be no tweeting, checking-in or picture taking.

After being alone on Valentine’s Day, she wants to prove to the world she is loved. But she’s not and you don’t want anyone to think she is. Most importantly, you don’t want wifey to find out.

Be careful with 4-letter words.

You’ll probably get your side chick some 75% off, day after Valentine’s Day box of candies, card or wilted roses. But please be sure to read them carefully. You don’t want to be in a rush to slide through and grab the wrong thing when you stop at Safeway.

Heart shaped boxes and red roses mean” love”. Many candies and cards have the evil little 4-letter word written in fancy fonts and the last thing you want to do is make the side chick think you love her… or anything close to that. “Be mine” may be disastrous if she reads too much into it and thinks you’re going to start claiming her.

Just keep it simple. Buy her a snickers and pick a dandelion from the front yard.

valentines-day-bad-gifts_thumb-275Ball out.

Let’s keep it real.  Not all of you treat your side chick the way they should be treated. Some of you like to take the Stevie J route and wine and dine your side chick in the public eye and not give two sh*ts about what wifey thinks.

You fellas love to play with fire. But you have the mouthpiece to make it work anyway. To you I say, go for it. Treat your side chick like your main chick. Check out some advice on Valentine’s Day, kiss her, tell her you love her, and give her that false sense of security she so desperately craves albeit a day late and a dollar short. Happy Side Chick Appreciation Day boo!

Cover you’re a$$.

If you decided to spend Valentine’s Day with your side chick this year because she’s graciously let you spend that day with your girl for 10 years running and you thought she deserved a thank you (and your girl is going to All-Star Weekend with her sisters) you might want to check this out to see what you can do to make it up to your girl later.

Also, use cash, create an alibi, destroy all evidence, and make it home before midnight. Just like any other encounter with the side chick, you want to make sure nobody knows nothing about nothing. Real thugs don’t get caught.

All that said I hope you all had a great Valentine’s Day. And I wish you good luck and no drama tomorrow. Happy Side Chick Appreciation Day folks!