Yo, yo, yo. It’s a New Year and LV is back on the campaign trail—kissing hands and shaking babies. (I’m sure I’ll be writing 2011 on all my court papers and collections payments for the next 4 months.)
Every New Year brings the opportunity to change and hot chicks love it when you change. Unfortunately, as my father puts it, I’m a “ticking time bomb” of let downs. I don’t let January get my hopes up. Febuary is where I really excel—with the failed self-promises, lack of self-control, and overall decline of attitude towards changing.
This year I did exactly what I should have been doing from the start, and didn’t make a single New Year’s resolution. Below are a few you should avoid at all cost.
Getting Back in the Gym
Man I used to be nice with the rock (seriously though). I know I’m all the things a basketball player isn’t, short, white and faithful, but man I was nice. Every year I remind myself how awesome I am at the game of basketball. The first 3 months are always great—my shot is always on and my handles come back. (I never gave a f*ck about passing or playing defense. Ugly people play defense and I’m way to pretty to worry about a rebound.)
Every time I get on a roll something happens. I take one weekend off, a new Blink 182 cd drops and before I know I haven’t been in the gym for a month, and once I’ve been gone for a month its hard to find a reason to go back.
I tell myself I’ll do some pushups here and there, but that eventually turns into me stretching two or three times a day just to feel good about myself. Before I know it it’s back to yelling at the TV and jumping up and down whenever my team scores.
No More Fast Food
Man, I love me some Burger King. If it wasn’t for the fact that I have the metabolism—and the maturity—of a 16 year old I’d be fat as hell right now. I can pack a lunch, have a female friend make me a sandwich and grab a bottled water, but all it takes is one late appointment, one long night in the studio, or one too many Tarvaris Jackson interceptions and I’m back on the bandwagon.
Quitting Cursing
My mother doesn’t even know I do it, so why should the rest of the world? F*ck is a pretty awesome word, but my Writing 121 teacher knows I’m way more descriptive than that. Will Smith doesn’t have to cuss in his rap to sell records, so why should I?
Everybody knows at least one moron that inhabits your favorite couch that always says things like “f*ck man, I mean I was f*cking like trying to tell them to calm the f*ck down.”
I don’t know about you but my parents were a little too middle class for me to be acting like that. This is one resolution I’ve actually managed to stick with over the years. Obviously any type of ignorant cursing is okay during a sporting event, but other than that I’ve done a great job at expanding my vocabulary. No, I haven’t lost my street cred. I’m either growing up or finding that it’s harder to have a potty mouth and get laid at the same time.
I don’t think I will change until I am truly ready too. Just because I’m writing a new date on my release papers doesn’t mean I need to get all cray cray about trying to be a better person. In fact, some people actually like who I am right now. I couldn’t tell you why exactly (maybe I just make them feel better about who they are?) but either way, do what makes you happy. If you want to lose a couple pounds, I’m not going to stop you. Just don’t try to make me feel bad when I ask for extra sauce on my Whopper. Set goals that are realistic (like becoming a famous white rapper) and take things slow. I’ll never judge you, unless I get trapped in doing jury duty—and even then I’d go not guilty all the way because I ain’t no snitch.
I wish you all the 2nd best in life, have a Happy New Year!
Don’t forget to watch all my music videos, stalk me on twitter @propanelv and do everything you can to get in my pants.
Mother freaking LV out.
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