Between Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and whatever lame a** social networking site you use to beg for attention, so many of us post inappropriate nonsense. Sure, these sites allow you to voice your opinion, share your life with loved ones, and just be free and have fun. However, sometimes we share a bit too much and have a little too much fun. Now, I’m not here to censor your online world, but there are a few things that we just don’t need to see when we login.
1. Ignorant opinions
Everyone’s entitled to their own opinion… or whatever. But some of you really should just STFU. Many don’t have the intelligence to voice their opinions without sounding like a judgmental prick, and others don’t have the balls to stand behind the ignorant opinions they post. Unless you know how to successfully debate a controversial issue, don’t talk about it. Unless you are an expert on a subject, don’t correct others on it. And if you have to wonder if you fall into any of these categories, just shut up and play it safe.
2. Pictures of your ugly a$$ kids
They say everyone thinks their own kids are cute, but that’s a damn lie. Y’all know good and well your child looks like Gizmo after a midnight snack, yet you insist on posting pictures of them. It’s unfair to the rest of us. When we see ugly kids we feel guilty because we want to make fun of them, but we don’t want to go to hell. Save us from that internal conflict please.
3. The n-word
I won’t get too political but I will say this…. White people should never use it (unless they are suicidal) and Black people shouldn’t use it around white people if they don’t want them to use it. See how that works? OK then.
4. Relationship drama
I have been so very guilty of this. Anyone who follows my Twitter knows that. [Editor’s Note: Truuue.] But it’s still not OK. We don’t care. Complaining about your relationship will only make us doubt the authenticity of it and send out a bat signal for side-chicks to come mess things up.
5. The f*cks you clearly do have to give
If you really didn’t care about x, y, z, then you wouldn’t post about x, y, z. Online beef is the most ridiculous thing ever. Somebody’s always posting or getting offended by subliminals. I can’t keep track of who hates who, but the time everyone takes to talk about who they hate just sickens me. Kiss and make up or just shut the f*ck up.
6. Your embarrassing family history
OK so your mama was a hoe and you don’t know who your dad is. We do judge you for this, so stop.
7. Side-chicks
Don’t friend them, don’t retweet them, don’t give them any power. We enable these creatures by acknowledging their existence. I loathe Facebook for the “it’s complicated” option. And they themselves should know to stay off the internet because their job is to be invisible til someone gets horny on a Wednesday night.
8. Illegal activities
*sigh* Everybody does something they’re not supposed to do. The key is to not tell the world about it. Stop posting weed pics. Stop talking about how you’re flying your hoes to Hawaii next week. Don’t you care about what your mama thinks? I guess some people don’t like making money unless there’s a risk of serving a few decades in prison.
9. Money
Nobody should know how much money you make/have. Do you think 2 Chainz got robbed because he was humble? You take pictures of your money and brag about how much you spent on what. It’s just not cute. It makes you look like a) a douchebag and/or b) a hoodrat/white trash. Show some class folks.
10. Prayers
I’m about to get religious up in this b*tch. Jesus/God or whoever you worship does NOT have a Facebook account. Why the hell are you posting prayers? We can’t cure your ailments or chronic unemployment so stop wasting space on the screen. Besides, in The Bible it says you’re not supposed to make your prayers public anyway so there. Peep Matthew 6:1-8. Or just toss it out as one of those rules that you choose to ignore.
Amen.