‘Tis the holiday season… Live with a rapper? Have a rapper for a best friend? Have a son that’s a rapper? Oh, or want to get to know *wink wink* a rapper, ladies? Here’s WOHM’s inaugural Rapper Gift Guide 2012:
1. A sold out show…out of town
A sold out show in the NW would be epic, but a sold out show out of town would be LEGEN-wait for it-DARY. I don’t know how you’re going to gift this, but try: Promoting the show yourself, buying additional tickets, knocking on wood, and praying.
2. Groupies
Likewise, when it comes to gifting groupies it’s easier said than done. Be a good wingman / wingwoman and direct females to your favorite rapper; a Facebook post should do the trick. Speak highly of him; or lie. Help him talk the talk and walk the walk; suit him up for a X-Mas gift.
3. A single on iTunes Top 10
Buy your rapper friend’s music on iTunes. Can you get it for free? Sure; but then he’d be giving you a gift, not the other way around.
4. A music video directed by…
This one is going to take a toll on your pockets. Hit up some of the local video production companies, talk prices, and run your credit card for your favorite rapper. [try V1 Creative (WOHM has used) or Artistic Outlet Media (our friends have used)]
5. A coupon for a BJ
To the ladies, here’s how you can get to know that rapper you’ve had your eye on for awhile… Rappers love blowjobs. So, draft up a cute little coupon in Microsoft Word, print it out, and put a bow on it.
And to the gentlemen, take your rapper friend to the strip club and buy him a lap dance from the biggest booty hoe in the room. Buy him a steak while you’re there, too.
7. A record deal
Number One on his wish list, but the most unrealistic gift he’ll get: A record deal. See Number One and Three above and buy his album and…pray.
A perfect price point for a gift, snapbacks run between $25-45. Tattoos run between $50-100s. Take your pick.
9. A $0 on his cellphone bill
Like Number Eight, paying off a rapper’s cellphone bill can range from $25-100s depending on the service provider. If he’s with Cricket, pay that ish off for him! If he’s with AT&T and over his data usage for the month, you might have to make the minimum payment.
In order to get racks on racks on racks, he’s going to need beats on beats on beats first. Heck, in order to get Numbers One, Two, Three, and Seven above, he’s going to need beats on beats on beats first. Ranging from $30-100s, beats are a good gift; and if you buy them locally, they support your favorite rapper AND your favorite beat-maker. #supportland
If the above just doesn’t seem right for the rapper on your list… Stick to a dub sack or a six pack.